Written By: Michelle Feder, Psy.D.
Do you ever struggle to choose where to start when it comes to making big life
decisions, such as whether to change jobs or to end a relationship? Do you struggle to
make or to follow through with smaller decisions, like deciding what to eat for lunch or
whether to keep working or take a break? You are not alone in your experience!
We are faced with countless decisions every day, ranging from simple and
straightforward to complex and overwhelming, and are tasked with figuring out how we
want to proceed. For many people, the fear of making the “wrong” decision or
experiencing a negative outcome due to their decision can lead to feelings of doubt,
anxiety, and even paralysis. Some people may spend hours, months, or even years
trying to figure out which of their options will lead to the “best” outcome. This can take
valuable time and energy that they would have liked to put into other areas of their lives.
Importantly, many people often find that putting more time and thought into making their
decision does not actually increase confidence or certainty about their ultimate choice.
For many of my clients who have had these challenges, I have used a six-step decision-
making framework which can be remembered with the acronym DECIDE. This method
has helped my clients navigate the anxiety and uncertainty that can come with decision-
making. It is designed to help people make thoughtful yet timely decisions and to
embrace the choices they make, regardless of the outcome. It also subverts the notion
that there are “right” and “wrong” decisions. Instead, it encourages people to be present
in the process of decision-making rather than judging themselves or their choice based
on how the decision plays out. Using the DECIDE framework when making a decision
can empower you to make effective choices, follow through with these choices, and
continue living your life alongside the uncertainty that comes with decision-making.
What is DECIDE?
Before we go step-by-step into the framework, here is an outline of each step of the
process:
Define the decision
Establish time constraints
Consider your options
I made the decision!
Don’t change your mind
Embrace the decision
Define the Decision
The first step in decision-making involves specifying the details of the decision you plan
to make. It is important to explicitly define your decision so that you have a clear
direction for this process. For example, the decision about changing jobs would be ill-
defined if left at “what should I do about my job?” A more clearly defined decision could
look like “do I change jobs?” or “when do I leave my current job?” At this step, it can
also be helpful to clarify the reasons for making a decision to provide motivation to
engage in this process, especially if you feel scared or overwhelmed. For instance,
identifying that you want to make a decision about next steps in your career because
you value professional growth can help motivate you to follow through with making a
choice regardless of any emotions that arise.
Establish Time Constraints
It is crucial to specify the time frame during which you will make the decision to ensure
that your decision-making does not unnecessarily drag out or interfere with being
present in other areas of your life. This may look like: “In two weeks, I will choose when
I am going to change jobs.” You may set a shorter time frame for a smaller decision,
such as spending 10 minutes to choose what to eat for lunch. Set a time frame that
feels realistic for you and that will make the decision approachable. Some people find it
helpful to set an alarm or a phone reminder to make the decision. Others benefit from
having someone else hold them accountable for making the decision within the time
frame, such as a partner, trusted friend, or therapist.
Consider Your Options
At this step, you have free rein to mull over your options.
First, choose how much time within your previously-set time frame that you would like to
spend considering your options. Some people find it helpful to spend the entirety of their
time frame reflecting on their decision, while others prefer to spend only a fraction of the
time actively thinking about their decision so that the process does not feel all-
consuming.
Next, spend time brainstorming as many potential options as you can without
immediately judging or evaluating them. Giving yourself space to spitball ideas may
open yourself up to options that seem untenable at first glance but could actually be
reasonable. For example, if I am trying to determine how soon I should leave my current
job to start a new one, I may initially think to immediately give my two weeks notice so
that I can move on with my career. However, I may realize when brainstorming that
staying on longer could have benefits, such as giving time for stock to vest or fostering
goodwill with coworkers, and therefore a worthwhile option to consider.
Then, narrow down your list of options to no more than three so that your in-depth
evaluation does not feel too cumbersome. It is important to clearly articulate your
options so that your evaluation is focused and specific. For deciding about a job
change, options such as leaving a job “soon” or “in a while” are vague and may mean
different things to different people. Instead, I could specify my options as leaving my
current job in “two weeks” or “after bonuses are given out.”
Once you have your two or three options, identify the pros and cons of choosing each
option. Many people find it helpful to write out a pros and cons list, but it can also be
done in your head if your time or resources are limited. You can identify pros and cons
by independently thinking through your options, doing research, or asking others for
their insight.
Taking the evaluation one step further, you can classify your pros and cons as
grounded in facts versus emotions to help you weigh your reflections. Facts-based
information refers to objective data that is verifiable and supported by evidence, such as
“I will make more money at Company A versus Company B” or “my job title would be a
manager at Company X versus a director at Company Y.” In contrast, emotion-based
information involves content that is shaped by feelings like anxiety, sadness, anger, or
even excitement. Emotion-driven reasons to change jobs may include, “I hate working
at my current job” or “I’m scared that it will be hard to adjust to a new job.” Once you
understand the nature of your pros and cons, you can then determine how to prioritize
the information. While emotions may provide valuable insight into your subjective
experiences of your options, they also commonly fluctuate and latch onto a situation’s
short-term implications without considering its long-term consequences. Therefore,
while it is unhelpful to neglect emotions, it is generally more beneficial to emphasize
factual information over emotional reasoning.
I Made the Decision!
Having analyzed your alternatives within your predetermined time frame, now is the
time to make your decision. You may still feel unsure about whether you have made the
“right” decision. You may be concerned that there is more information out there that
would provide total clarity on which option to choose. It is normal and expected to feel
anxious and uncertain about the outcome of your decision. Do not let those
feelings stop you from making your decision! Remember, we ultimately do not have
control over the actual outcome of our decision even if we have methodically considered
all of our options. For example, I may choose to accept a job at one company over
another because my research had suggested that I would work well with my future
boss. However, it is possible that the boss will choose to leave the company after I start
or get transferred to a new team. Research has also shown that the more we question
something the more unsure of it that we become. So, do not let your brain try to
convince you to keep pondering your decision beyond your time frame.
Don’t Change Your Mind
Congratulations, you made your decision! While the decision-making process ends for
some people with making the decision, the process continues for others as they
continue to reassess the decision after they have made it. Therefore, this step in the
process reminds you to commit to your decision, regardless of self-doubt or anxiety. It
also means disengaging from urges to review your pros and cons list. You may find it
helpful to use verbal reminders (e.g., state your decision aloud to yourself or a friend) or
visual reminders (e.g., write your decision on a post-it note or on your phone) of your
commitment to your chosen option. Reminding yourself of how your decision aligns with
your values can be another way of strengthening your commitment to your decision.
Embrace the Decision
With your decision made and commitment to follow through, now comes time for
implementation. Even once you commit to your decision, doubt may still persist. Fully
embracing your choice means acting completely in line with your decision regardless of
lingering uncertainty or unknowns. For example, if you decide to stay in your current job
rather than seek a new job, ask yourself, “what can I do to go all in with my job?” You
can fully commit even if you are not 100% sure about your decision. Relatedly, it is
important to clearly define the steps you need to take to implement your chosen option.
You can break down your overall goal into as many mini goals as you need to make the
task approachable. So I may take the goal of “going all in with my job” and break that
into smaller goals, such as working nine hours each day rather than six, taking a
continuing education course, or spending less time on TikTok during the work day.
Conclusion
The DECIDE framework for making decisions aims to provide you with guidelines for
effectively navigating all types of life choices, from the everyday decisions to the
monumental ones. It provides a structure for the process of making a decision, as well
as ways to approach anxiety, uncertainty, or doubt that may arise even once the
decision is made. While decision-making may never feel easy for some, the DECIDE
framework can be an empowering tool to help with thoughtfully approaching decision-
making without allowing the process to overtake your life.